Having suffered 20 years of C-PTSD, Vickie never felt safe and was in a constant state of heightened anxiety. During therapy, her psychologist recognised safety was her biggest issue, so they ran through some ideas around how she could best feel safe again; she wanted to know that she could protect herself. Vickie’s therapist suggested martial arts could help, so in March 2023, she got in touch with Kyudokan…

Overcoming initial hurdles

Vickie’s first days in the dojo were challenging. “I have motor dyspraxia, so I’m very clumsy, and I also struggle to breathe due to severe lung issues,” she explained. Despite these obstacles, the Kyudokan team embraced her needs, providing the space and support to help her thrive. “At my first session, I was greeted warmly, all my questions were answered, and adaptations were made for my lung issues.”

Her initial goal was straightforward but deeply personal: to stop freezing when confronted by aggression. “I wanted to feel safe,” she explained. Yet, as she pushed through the physical and emotional difficulties, her aspirations grew. “My favourite colour is orange, so earning my orange belt became my ultimate goal!”

Developing control and self-belief

Vickie candidly discussed how she initially struggled to keep up with training. “I’d fall over almost every session and barely make it through warm-ups,” she shared, admitting to moments of embarrassment and self-doubt. However, encouragement from the team spurred her on, leading to milestones like achieving her orange belt in September this year.

Her sparring journey was equally daunting at first. “My fight-or-flight response would kick in, and I’d lose control,” she said. With tailored guidance from the Senseis, she learned to regulate her responses. “I can defend without freezing and respond without hurting myself or others,” she celebrated. “I’ve learned that difficult things are possible with the right support network.”

A physical and mental battle

Vickie’s journey with Kyudokan coincided with a personal crisis: the sudden death of her beloved cat. “It sent me spiralling, but the dojo became my sanctuary,” she revealed. Sensei Morris’s assurance, “You will always be safe here,” brought her comfort, helping her navigate both her grief and her ongoing mental health struggles. “For one hour, it’s just me versus me,” she reflected.

Through karate, Vickie regained control over her life. “Over the last 19 months, I’ve recovered from my depression and have my C-PTSD under control. It doesn’t control me anymore,” she affirmed, crediting her newfound sense of self-protection and resilience.

‘Kyudokan’ means ‘to search for the way’, and Vickie believes that while we all search for different things and tread our own paths, her search was to find safety and to accept and love herself. “Through karate, I believe I’ve achieved that but the journey continues. You will finish one search and then find another to pursue.”

A community like no other

“Kyudokan honestly taught me to love myself!” Vickie enthuses. She feels that the team never made her feel like she was too much: “I had many strops and there were a few occasions where I just burst into tears. I was always comforted and supported on those difficult days.” 

She’s known and loved throughout the club as a loud, bright, colourful individual, usually to be found rocking her orange lipsticks and eye shadows! Vickie believes that along with the teaching, the pastoral care Kyudokan provides makes it a very special club. “The care, empathy and compassion I have received from the Senseis and Senpais alongside that of my fellow students is what makes this place feel like home. I’ve felt out of place for much of my life, but here, I’ve found where I truly belong.” 

A heartfelt ‘thank you’

It’s incredible to see how Kyudokan has changed Vickie’s life for the better and she wanted to wrap up by expressing her gratitude to all who have helped her on her journey so far. “You’re all treasures!” she exclaims. “There may still be strops and the odd meltdown on the road ahead, but I know for sure there will also be more joy than you can ever imagine. You can do whatever you put your mind to when you push yourself and believe in yourself… May the search continue!”

Copy written by Clair